Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
