She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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