I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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