rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
