You're my little dorito
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
