he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Vodka?
Forever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I see more hoeing in ur future
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