You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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