I'm going to jail i love you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
