I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
