I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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