I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
