when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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