Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
