Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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