the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
