Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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