My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
