so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
