Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
