How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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