He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
