my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
