I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
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It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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