were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
