does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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