its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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