I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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