Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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