The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize