Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
