Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
