I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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