So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
