I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
