Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
