im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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