covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They took my balls.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
