Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
