saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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