if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
