So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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