She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
