It was confusing and full of hummus
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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