So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
