I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
