oh god the rape fog is back!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
