she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
