I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
