Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
