This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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