turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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