So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
