i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
