I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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