i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
