She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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