pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
