shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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