his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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