is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
