im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
