Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
