the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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