Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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