i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
