It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
