Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
