I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
