ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The uberlube is also flammable
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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